The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
