yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
