You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
