Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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