apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
