Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
