U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
