I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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