Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
