I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Be still, my beating vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
