My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
