singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Congratulations! We have a period
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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