We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
