in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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