i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I love having hate sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
