i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just had sex on a roof
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
