We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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