What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
