I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
