I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize