she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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