Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
