My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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