I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
only if we run a train.
done.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
