We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
