In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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