sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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