the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
