My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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