When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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