So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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