Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
