The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
