I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
