Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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