I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
