either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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