How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
