She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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