you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
