just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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