Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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