is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
