All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
