I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
