Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
