sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
