my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
