so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
