I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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