You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
