This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
