he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
