i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
