Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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