6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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