I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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