I wannas sexs uuuuu
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How's work?
Spinning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
