Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
