Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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