Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
