when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
