..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
