wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
