Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
