She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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