Acid is not a monday night drug
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im part way to drunk.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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