You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
