evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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