One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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