I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
